Failure and what Follows

Well, the day finally came. The day I knew would never happen. When people always say “One day, you’re going to be grateful for this.” I was never going to be grateful for that crippling anxiety that made me absolutely terrified to do, or not to do anything. Not only was I not grateful, but I couldn’t imagine why it was happening to me, to me, I had done everything “right” why was this going to wrong?

Today I go back to the doctor for the first time since we found out it didn’t work.

I’m 15 days into my 26th year, they were all “perfect” and I am scared because I can’t imagine what could have gone wrong.

For someone who loves to be in control as much as me and for something that was so seemingly controlled every step of the way, I know that right now there is nothing else I can do.

A little over a week and a half ago, my first try with IVF failed. I was 25 when they were transferred, the doctors said that all three were A+ embryos, and today I go back, by myself to try and use my mangled Serbian to understand if there is something wrong with me or not, and whether is is possible for me to have children.

You’d think I should be sitting here studying up on Serbian gynecological terms so I can halfway understand what the doctors might tell me today when I go. Or I should be thinking about will it even be worth it to give them all this money we’ve saved to freeze our embryos or will it even matter. My old self, would want me to sit here and think about how I’m going to hold it together to break it to my husband if they give bad news.

But for some reason I’m sitting here thinking how grateful I am for that period of anxiety in my life.

Because as much as it sucked, and as much as I didn’t know how to get out of it and make it end, one of the many things that it taught me is that I couldn’t.  I couldn’t make it end, and as it usually happens, as soon as I stopped trying to make something happen and started to live my life with it, it went away. Being in the situation we’re currently in, it took a much shorter time for me to let go of holding the situation so tight, cast my cares on God and just live in the situation that I’m in. And I wouldn’t be able to do any of that if it were not for everything I went through back then.

If you’re reading this and you have anxiety, I know what you’re thinking.  First, you’re probably thinking that you would rather know how long (down to the hour and the minute) my anxiety lasted so you can compare notes and know how much longer you have so you can just hang on. And second, if you’re anything like I was ( a still am sometimes), a Christian, desperate to explain my life and circumstances with perfect logic- you’re in a new wave of anxiety thinking “oh my gosh, I’m having this anxiety right now because God wants to prepare me for something worse that’s going to happen in life later, and I don’t know if I can handle this, definitely not anything worse”- and now we’re in a new spiral of anxiety. I’m sorry for that, been there, because if we can identify the WHY something is happening, then we are ok, and we can get through it right? That was me anyway.

What I would say to myself back then, if I had my mind and experiences now, is that going through anxiety  is not a guarantee that nothing else bad will happen to you, but it’s also not a guarantee that anything “worse” will happen to you. Everyone’s reason for going through it is different. What anxiety did for me personally, was teach me to cope and handle things, so I didn’t see anything anymore as “worse” or “harder” to handle, just as life and living it. So, try, just try, not to cling too tightly. to the “this means that,” or “that equals that” talk, because not only does it not help, it isn’t the truth.

I’m not a doctor, and the degrees I have are a lot closer to international hostage negotiation than they are to psychology, (although I’m seeing a thread of how those could be friends). But I hope my experiences, failures, victories and what I thought was me going “crazy” can be useful to someone. I will leave you with one thing I know to be the truth:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Hope is my favorite word in all of that, and biblical hope is more than sitting, waiting wishing- Bible hope is the confident expectation of what God has promised and its strength is in His faithfulness.

So today I’m going to go in, whatever they tell me, with a hope that God has a plan for me to prosper somehow, no matter what the doctors, or my uterus say 🙂 Please send prayers, thoughts, baby dust and whatever else you’ve got!

20 Facts About Me

The easiest thing to write about when you’re trying to get into/ return to the groove? YOURSELF. I mean really what do you know better? I will try to use this to break back into my laptop relationship and maybe make some new friends.

1. I love Jesus
2. I’m a college admissions counselor at UNC Asheville
3. I have A LOT of (way too many) clothes
4.  Most of which came from Goodwill, I LOVE Goodwill
5. I got married while in college
6. I am extremely cheap 
7. I have a very cute dog
8. I suck at make-up
9. I played volleyball and ran track in college
10. I love to cook new recipes.
11. I am painfully competitive
12. I unintentionally kill lots of plants
13. I’ve HAD (and survived) anxiety and depression
14. I dye my hair (frequently) at home
15. My dream job is US ambassador in a foreign country
16. I’m a terrible speller
17. My family is my greatest asset
18. Being outside helps me relax
19. I love college basketball
20. I make things for more than it would cost to buy them

Wow am I glad I only  picked 20, because that was harder than I thought it would be. I’d love to hear if I have anything in common with you? Connections are my favorite part of blogging.

Five Pretty Green Things That Will Make You Think Summer

Being stuck inside at a 9-5 is great because it allows me to pay for a building that I can sleep inside, but it’s also not great because I can see how good it feel outside through the glass doors of my office.
I try to sit really still in my windowless office so I don’t have to pass by the full-length windows in the break room that tempt me to run out and never look back.. except that I’d be running into a construction site, and I am really fond of sleeping indoors.
But today I gave in. I stared out the window. I day-dreamed about a beach trip where I tan my seasoned office skin. If you would like to join me in my day-dreaming, I give you five beautiful views that make you think of Summer.

1. Apartment Gardens

 

2. Watermelon

 

3.Waterfall Hikes

4. Road Trips

5. Beach Vibes

 

*Sigh* While (most of us) can’t enjoy the delights of Summer all day everyday, we can at least daydream all we want during the week.

Three days from Friday!

Regaining Perspective after Anxiety

After spending a large portion of time being an anxious mess, I have to follow that period of time up with an equally large amount of time reminding myself  to keep my perspective in check. ( Because I have recognized, at least in myself, that anxiety is caused by an inexplicably skewed perspective).

This is the best illustration I can come up with for what anxiety looked like inside my head. (Feel free to visualize as a cartoon, I did).

When I am what I consider to be the real me, I am the brain with my own glasses on, just laughing, working, exercising, cooking- blah blah. Somehow, my brain looses that pair of glasses (my guess is when she takes them off to sleep- probably in a meeting.) Anyway, she picks up the wrong pair and everything is way too close. This is when I start to think about and see everything through this magnified lens of like “This one thing is EVERYTHING, and it affects all things and it’s the reason why tangent tangent tanget..”

Example: I remember getting freaked out about wearing make-up for a period of time. I felt like If I wore make-up and thought I looked pretty, then I was being too self-absorbed, and God would not love me, because I thought I was better than everyone else (even though I didn’t- this particular pair of glasses were zoomed in pretty hard.) I am so serious. I didn’t wear make-up for months, because with those lenses on, I thought I was too self-absorbed that I could never lead someone to Christ with my selfish cat-eye liner. *Note: This is totally not how God views us, I was being weird*

-Back to the Brain- Eventually she looses that pair of glasses too (thank goodness) and she picks up a pair that make everything seem way way too far away.

Example: I started thinking about being a dot in the world and feeling like I could never be significant. I could not think of a single day-to-day task with any type of heart because I just got so stuck with those glasses on. I just felt like, anything I did would be abysmal because I was just a little anxious dot. -My brain could not see things any differently. *Note: Also not how God sees us.

The common denominator, for me at least, in all of these scenarios is the way my perspective gets “stuck” in a certain view, that no matter how hard I try to- I can’t get out of. Actually, thinking about it makes it worse, but if you have anxiety, you know that.  So, the best way I can put it, is that I’m having to constantly remind myself of exactly where I stand with Him and within the world.

Although, when I get it right with him, the ‘in the world part’ comes on it’s own.

This verse, does a great job of putting things in perspective for me.  Especially when I think of it with this gorgeous photo I took on the parkway yesterday.

“³ When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
⁴what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
⁵You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:3-5)

This reminds me that as complicated as I might see myself as, with all of these tangles, high, lows (and a brain with multiple pairs of incorrectly prescribed glasses.) I am nothing compared to the complexity of this gorgeous world we live in, but even though I have “small” problems on the grand scale, God still sees them as big as I do, and he cares about the day-to-day that I go through, because He chose us to love and to save, brain with tiny glasses and all.

Can anyone relate? Or have any other verses that they love to lean on?

If anyone has any prayer requests, or anything I can support you in, I would be so happy to do so.

Love, Love, Love and Happy Monday!

Meredith F. Ristic

Seven Stages of Traveling Overseas With Your Parents

Hello Everyone!

It’s been a bit since I’ve written, but I’ve just returned stateside after an 11-day trip to Belgrade, Serbia. My husband’s home country, this was my fifth trip so the journey and all of the trimmings have become what feels like a second home to me. But, this trip was very, very different from any of the others I’ve taken. Why? Because I was accompanied by my parents, and it was their first time out of the country.

I know everyone’s parents, and relationships with their parents are different, so an overseas trip could mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people. For me and mine, this was a huge deal.

We have established that I am an obsessive people pleaser,  and travel is kind of “my thing” since I have to do it alone so often, so bringing my parents into my husbands world while showing them the ropes of travel/ plenty-of-respect-for-them-as-my-parents put me on level 10 of “be crazy and over-obsess on everyone’s emotions.” Saving you the stories, we had an amazing time. Our families got along great, my husband is an absolute saint, and my parents can’t wait to go back.

Theatrics aside, I want to share with you the seven phases that I experienced traveling with my parents.

PHASE 1: What if I don’t like it?

This came more is discussions with my mom. A few weeks leading up to the trip, she expressed her concerns about plenty of mom stuff. What if she did like the food that was served and she didn’t want to be disrespectful? What if there were people over and she couldn’t go to bed when she got sleepy? What if the bathroom wasn’t accessible when she needed it to be?

(We talked about these things, made plans and code words and put the fears as much as ease as we could without being there. This is also where we discussed the “the flow.” That no matter what we were faced with, this was my husband home and the country that raised him, so “we” (they) were going to go with the flow.)

PHASE 2: What is that?

As soon as we were off the plane, the questions were ON. What is that building? How long as that been there? Why did the government do that? What does that word mean? What is that made of? What did she say? What does that taste like?

(Que Tour guide Ken/ my saint of a husband Milan. He answered every question, translated every dad joke, and gently encouraged them to  try new things. Swoon.)

PHASE 3: Can you hear me now?

Obviously, when you’re in another country, and they don’t speak the same language as you, as long has you speak your own language slowly and increasingly loudly, it’s like you’re speaking the foreign language.

(It was cute, because I remember doing the same thing, but regardless of how many hand motions and loud English words you use they can’t understand you.)

PHASE 4: My pants won’t button.

Ok so this is a double brag and I apologize, but the food in Serbia is amazing. On top of that, my  mother in law is an incredible cook. Like not normal incredible, but like everything she touches turns to delicious. She makes everything from scratch. Homemade soup, noodles, bread, ajvar, canned goods, everything. My parents figured that out pretty quickly, but they also realized that as people ask you if you would like something else, they are already putting it on your plate.

(Needless to say, we all gained some happy weight, and wore our stretchy pants home.)

PHASE 5: I now speak flawless Serbian.

Around day three, my parents had completely melded into the culture difference and decided they spoke Serbian, and they were now ready to move abroad because “they got this.” This was adorable to me, because I have been practicing the language for 5 years and I am still pretty pathetic on the delivery. However, I totally applaud the confidence.

(Omit the part where mom, who is a southern lady who doesn’t swear, read the subtitles on the tv and asked a room full of my in-laws what a particularly serious expletive meant. Other than that- flawless.)

 

PHASE 6: Seasoned historians.

11 days in Serbia, one trip to Tito’s museum, and a few conversations with my father in law and they were decided Serbian historians and ready to share the history of Serbia with anybody who would listen.

(The child in me stuck in a constant internal eye roll. But the wife of a Serbian in me was smiling and incredibly happy with their enthusiasm.)

PHASE 7: Jet Setters.

My parents are now officially jet setters, and on our return journey they were using words like “usually” and  “the airline is supposed to” to describe our flights.

They are cute and I’m happy that the travel bug got them just as good as it has gotten me 🙂

Anybody have any funny stories from traveling overseas with their parents?

Cheers and happy travels!

Meredith F. Ristic

 

 

Step Into Spring

My seasonal Christmas graced Western North Carolina this  weekend as the J. Crew Sample sale came to the distribution warehouse in Asheville, N.C. This is fabulous because it encompasses three of my favorite things in one event, J.Crew, getting a steal of a deal, and competition.

Anyone who knows me know how much I love J.Crew and a good sale. Every time the new season’s catalog comes out, I pick it up an try to re-create my favorite looks, most of the time with what I can find at Goodwill (I work for the state). As much joy as I get from that, it was impossible to pass up the opportunity to get the real thing at a price I can afford.

So a trash bag, some thrown elbows and 3 hours later, I came home with four pairs of pants, three pairs of shoes, a sweater, a scarf, three necklaces, new sunglasses and a handful of hair accessories, all for less than $140. ( all pictured above)

While I’m actually in love with all of it, I wanted to share three of my favorite pieces.

First, and obviously these leopard calf hair ankle boots.

Photo/link: https://www.jcrew.com/p/E1188

Half of me loves them because they are unique and super comfortable. The other half of me loves them because I found them in excellent condition for $45 and they retail for about $400.

I’m no so wild a dresser as these might suggest, I really like the classic looks, but I was feeling adventurous, and I think these can take a classic look and add some sauce to it 🙂

Next, is the pink ladybug pendant necklace.

photo/link: https:www.jcrew.com/p/C1866

I was so happy to find this because I remember looking at it  in the retail and outlet stores and pining over it because I have been super into long necklaces, and this just says spring to me.

I can’t wait to over-wear this in the spring an summer with dresses and long tops.

I really like pieces like this because they help me to ease my wardrobe into spring with a small pop of color without going from all black in boots to a fuchsia blur in cork wedges.

Finally, I’m a little more than excited about these black  wide-legged cropped pants.

photo/ link: bebe.com

 

These aren’t the exact pair, but these look the most similar, they retail for about $100 at bebe (link in the caption).

I’ll be honest, these are a little out of my box. I am totally cool with leopard calf hair, but a little flare in my usually strictly-skinny pants closet is scary.

I swore I would never wear these when they first came out, but I have seen so many cute outfits with them that I decided to take a baby step out of my box. Any girls who have already purchased these have any ideas on what to pair them with? I’d love suggestions!

P.S. For all my long-legged giraffe women, these come in tall. So we don’t have to look like we are wearing gaucho Bermuda shorts  😉

Happy spring shopping!

 

 

Saving {very dry} Winter Skin

Happy Friday!

Its winter here in Western North Carolina, but I feel a little uncomfortable describing it as such- especially because it’s 71ºF today. Nevertheless, it is February, and my winter skin problems are plaguing me like its 20ºF.

I used to describe myself as someone with VERY dry skin. But after watching hours of youtube videos trying to find a solution, I realized that I just have sensitive skin. In the summer, I can go with a lightweight moisturizer and be totally fine. But in the winter, I don’t know if it’s the wind, the cold temperatures, the dry heat or all the above, but my skin gets unbearably dry.

I feel a little silly blogging about anything that could be considered “beauty,” honestly. Not because I don’t love feeling feminine, or using make-up, but because I’m cheap, low-maintenance and at 24 I am just now discovering all the crazy things make-up can do. So, I wouldn’t hardly call myself a beauty expert, but I would absolutely call myself a dry skin expert.

To save time, I’m going to give a quick list of all the things that people have told me to try, and I tried, that didn’t work. (So I took them back because I’m cheap).

-Cetaphil daily moisturizing lotion

– Up &Up version of CeraVe daily moisturizing lotion

-Organic Coconut oil

-Nivea Creme ( in the large blue tin)

-Argan oil (alone)

-Various cleansers in addition to moisturizers

These were all varying degrees of failure, some worked but were really greasy and didn’t get along with make-up (Nivea), some made my skin feel soft and moisturized at first, but by lunch my skin would flake under my foundation (all daily moisturizers/argan oil). And still others I wouldn’t make it out the door without my face feeling tight and irritated due to the dryness.

Like I said, I’ve watched a ton of youtube videos, and read equally as many product reviews, but I couldn’t find anything convincing enough to make me want to try it. I would rather stop wearing make-up and apply regular, cheapy lotion 5 times a day than buy something for $40 or buy 7 products for a 45-minute routine.

I exaggerate, but not much.

I came across my solution by accident, and I don’t know exactly what your skin-tuation is, but for me I swear by these two steps.

1. At night, on a make-up free, damp face (I don’t think it matters how you get there- cleanser, wipes, shower, what have you) I first apply Moroccan Argan oil (I got mine at Wal-Mart for $6) and I let that soak in while I brush my teeth or dry my hair.

2. I cover that with with L’oreal’s Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition Golden Balm (it goes for $19.99 at CVS, which I know is a lot, it is for me too, but I waited until it was on sale, and I used my extra care bucks to get it for $12. It’s not free, but its my true skin-saver for under $20)

In the morning, I wake up and do exactly the same thing, I just give my skin some time to soak up the golden balm before applying make-up. For those of you curious where the spf is, I get mine in my setting spray.

And that’s it. Those two steps refresh me from a day in the elements and protects me from our dry baseboard heat at night.

I say I stumbled onto this because it’s true, it not something I would have ever gone out and purchased for myself, if you read it, the cream itself is for “mature, very dry skin”. This is not something I would have thought would be necessary for me, but I really can’t argue with the results.

(P.S. I know my fellow cheapy’s will notice there is a L’oreal Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition moisturizer for $2 less right next tot he golden balm, and be tempted. I know this because I was yesterday when I re-stocked. I can’t speak to this because I could bring myself to buy it after having such success with the golden balm (this is the first time I’ve gone back to buy the same product more than once, and probably the first I didn’t return). I did, however, open it to realize the consistency is very different, so proceed with caution!)

I’d love to hear feedback and anyone else’s successes in dealing with dry winter skin!

Returning to ‘Normal’

Happy Hump day!

I hope everyone is having a fabulous first half of the week, and for the glass-half-fullers we are almost to the weekend!

I’m been talking a lot lately about mental health and the road to recovery after anxiety or depression. For those who have never experienced it, I understand it seems like I’m going overboard, and honestly, I hope you always feel that way because you never have to go through it.

For those who are currently going through anxiety, or are well on their way to recovery I want to talk about my experience and a few things I painfully searched for on the great and powerful Google, but couldn’t find.

I am going to address what was my biggest question that sort of formed an umbrella over my whole experience “Am I ever going to be back to ‘normal’?”

It drove me absolutely insane that everything I read about people who tried medication, therapy and all sorts of things all said “I am doing so much better, I’ve stopped having panic attacks and for the past ‘x’ years I have only had minor anxiety.”

What?! No. I spent 24 years of my life without anxiety and it slapped me in the face one day, and now I am going to have victory by only having minor anxiety forever? That was something I was not going to accept, and I couldn’t understand how these other people who were like me were satisfied with just having generalized anxiety forever.

My response two that is a two-parter:

First, if you haven’t heard it from anyone else yet, let me be the first to tell you, you are going to be completely fine one day. And you are going to feel normal.

Second, ‘normal’ will look a little different to you.

You will, in fact, feel like your old self again after you’ve taken the time to heal whether it be through therapy, medication or just time. But, part of that new normal will be that you now know how to handle anxiety-inducing situations, so they will no longer feel like anxiety.- That’s the part I didn’t get.

When I would read about people who just lived with ‘occasional’ anxiety, I hadn’t gone through my recovery process yet, and more importantly, I hadn’t discovered that that’s how you beat anxiety, by not giving power to those thoughts/ fears.

That’s the piece I was missing.

Now that I have made it through a significant part of my journey back to ‘normal’, I understand. I do feel 100% like my old self, and when thoughts or feelings of anxiety come, I don’t see them as that any more, and because they don’t hold that same power, it doesn’t feel like I have anxiety anymore.

I know this isn’t the 100% erased answer that you were hoping for, but I hope it can reinforce that you are going to get better, and you don’t have to fear these feeling forever. Your perspective will shift, and your ability to relax  will be back sooner than you think.

For forgetting Sarah Marshall fans, you just have to  “do less”

What are some of your concerns and problems that you are working through right now?

Hitting the Brakes as a Chronic People Pleaser

 

I lied.

I lied to other people, and I even lied to myself. I said something that I thought would make everyone else happy to hear, rather than really examining the truth.

My lie was that I said I had realized that the reason I thought I needed to go through a period of such real anxiety was so I could learn to be more compassionate to others. Sounds nice, right? Like poetic realization. I’m sorry, ( not supposed to say that as a recovering people pleaser,) but that’s not what it was.

I needed to go through that period of anxiety and what seemed like real despair, because I had gotten myself to a point where I had lost myself and my personality, and I wasn’t living my life to the fullest. Know why? Because I based my every move on how I thought it would make others feel. ( Ironic, right?)

Obviously, by my lead, I’m not magically changed because I realized the problem, sorry.

When I explain this, I’m going to do my best to say it the way that I actually identify with. The truth is that we all want to be that badass woman, dressed to the nines in a pair of ridiculous sunglasses declaring that we’d “rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea”. But, I am just so so so not that person. There are great things about me, even some badass-y things about me. But, I will not ever hear another human truthfully utter a statement likening me to a shot of whisky.

I say all this to express that I am someone who will always care in some way what other people think. All of the memes, middle fingers, and sassy poses in the world aren’t going to remove that, it’s part of who I am.

For me, it’s not necessarily a self-confidence thing, I probably have too much of that most days. For me, it is a deep desire to make the people around me happy.

It didn’t start as a way to hide my true thoughts and feelings, but because I tried so hard to make everyone else happy that I became sort of a chameleon. In every situation I would just morph into whatever was needed to keep the peace, or raise someone else’s self-esteem, or fix a tough situation- no matter what I, personally, wanted. This put me into a place where I spent so much time and effort focusing on what I could do to make everyone else’s lives “perfect” and I couldn’t even tell you what I wanted in mine.

If you are like this, this is something that I need to tell you, but it’s o.k. if it doesn’t resonate with you the first time. We are not actually making their lives better, by sacrificing our own. I know you think, what the big deal about being accommodating? Why is it such a problem that I want to make my employer feel like they can give me any task, and i will take care of it? Does it really matter that I held back what I thought to spare my friends’ feelings?

The truth is, yes, it does matter. Because I can bet that you didn’t just agree with one of those statements, all of them resonated with you on some level. By always conceding, you are allowing yourself to be covered up by the wants/needs of others and you can’t fix it for them by just giving them what they want. If you need proof, think of a friend who has never had their ideas challenged or someone you know that just got everything they wanted without hesitation.

For those who look for Bible verses on the subject:

Luke 6:26 sounds the alarm: “There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them.”

As someone who believes that everything happens for a reason, and that God really means well for all of his people, I know that the crippling anxiety I went through was for my betterment. That I would have spent the rest of my life living for what everyone else wanted rather than being myself and loving people in my own way. I would have totally missed out on some great things that I know are in store for me.

I want you to know that yes, you can go to your partner’s favorite restaurant, yes, your boss can know that if there is a task that needs to be completed, you’re the man or woman for the job and yes you should be gentle with your friends and try to take care of their feelings, but you really can’t spend all of your time and energy devoted to what you think everyone else wants, because it will not fulfill either one of you.

Does making yourself appear ugly, make someone else more attractive?

I hope you know that you are all women and men dressed to the nines in awesome sunglasses, no matter what drink you are, and how many people like the taste of it.

It is possible to be kind to others without being what you think everyone wants.

❤

Choosing Hope

Three words. It. gets. better.

Throughout my journey of improving my mental and emotional health, one of my greatest weapons has been hope. I can always appreciate my progress and recognize my growth when I am feeling hopeful.

It’s taken me a little while to come to this conclusion, and I still raise my eyebrows at myself a little when I think about it. But, I honestly don’t regret going through the period of anxiety in my life because it’s taught me a lot about myself and shown ways I can help others. And the best part, is that it doesn’t last forever, and it will get better. That is reason enough for us to have hope.

In hopes (punny) that it might help someone else through a hard time, or remind someone that there is always hope, I want to share a few of my favorite reminders about hope.

1. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

2. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7)

3. Before something great happens, everything falls apart. (unknown)

4. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

5. Sometimes we can learn, study and know, and sometimes we must believe trust, and hope. (M. Russell Ballard)

6. Hope is a choice, choose it.

7.Hardships often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destiny (C.S. Lewis)

8. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6)

9. A single thread of hope is still a very powerful thing. (unknown)

10. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 

What are some of your favorite quotes about hope?

Awesome Outlets for Overcoming Anxiety

As someone who spent most of her life thinking that people who had anxiety were just people who couldn’t handle stress (sorry about that), it really took me by surprise when I became absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety last fall. It literally felt like walking into a brick wall, that consequently fell on me, and there was NOTHING I could do to get away from it.

Because I was not born with it, and mine was situational, my biggest thing with anxiety was that I was terrified it would last forever. I did not want to be someone who was living with anxiety, or struggling with anxiety,  I wanted to be someone who “went through” and “overcame” anxiety.

I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to die or lose, or more frightening to me- thinking I was going to “snap” and lose control of my mind and thoughts forever- no, seriously. If you feel like this, I promise. I promise. I promise. It is not going to happen.

You are not the exceptional case that everyone else is fine, and you are going to die ( I thought that too). You are going to get through this, and it will be nothing but a blip on your radar when you do. If you need to email me at 3:00 am so I can reassure you of that again- I will do it 1000 times. Because, I had to have someone do that for me (thanks, mom).

1.  Podcast: Invisibilia: the secret history of thoughts

If you don’t want to talk to me, I suggest listening to NPR’s Invisibila podcast specifically “the secret history of thoughts.” I don’t know about you, but I was a big “why” person. If you could tell me why I was feeling a certain way, that helped the logical part of my brain to wake up and participate. This podcast, specifically, helped me to put anxiety into perspective, and not feel like it was running my life.

** PS the whole Invisibila series is awesome if you time to work your way through.

2. TED Talk: Walking on Custard: How Physics Helps Anxious Humans | Neil Hughes

  Escape the Custard by Neil Hughes is not only good for a laugh but it helps to put your feelings into words (another thing I struggled with) and learn how to identify when your anxiety is actually coming on, and when your mind is just in a cyclical state of being anxious about becoming anxious (this has also been me.) I am able to look back at the conversation with my mom where I tried to explain to her that I was afraid of being afraid and, sort of laugh. 

3. App: Pacifica

This was a little outside of my box at first, but I’m really glad I got it. I tried a lot of mindfulness and CB therapies and Pacifica helped me not only keep up with my progress between sessions (feed my competitive side), but more importantly, it has some cool free exercises listening exercises to relax when you’re having a panic attack, or just need a distraction from your own thoughts.

These are just a few of the many things that I tried, and the ones I feel like worked best for me, but honestly along with every one of these there was a lot of prayer, tears and support.

Before I personally went through it, I thought real anxiety only occurred if there was something wrong with you, or you were mentally weak. What I learned, was, well a lot of things, but most importantly:

1. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Because I found out almost every person I know, even those I would never expect, have been through it, or are going through it.

2. Don’t let it have you. I feel like everyone is affected by anxiety in some way at some point in their life, but that absolutely doesn’t mean it has to be forever.

3. Don’t let it be a mark on your record. As I was working on getting out of that anxious state, I had a lot of feeling like” I just want to be done with this” I can’t believe I’ve let anxiety run through this much of my life, and I’ve wasted it.” It is absolutely not a wasted, and I firmly believe that our greatest achievements can come from painful points in our lives. I learned a lot about myself, why I do certain things, and going through those feelings really gave me a heart for wanting to help others to become someone who “overcame” anxiety.

Life is pretty great when we let it be!

Pan of Stuffs

Happy Humpday!

It’s meet week in the Ristic household, so I thought I’d share one of my favorite race day recipes.

Milan is not only a machine, he eats like one too- especially on race days. Because his event (60m hurdles) tends to be earlier in the day, he usually eats as much as he can physically intake in the morning, and then not again until after he’s through.

O.K., so that the racing half of him- needing an enormous “game day” breakfast. The Serbian half of him, doesn’t consider food to be food unless he’s consuming at least 51% meat. This usually rules out my eggs and waffles plan.

Milan and Manteo prepping for their Indoor Seasons

I wouldn’t say we are “clean eaters” but we are whatever tries to eat as much fresh food as possible. We don’t eat hardly any processed foods, a product of his national food background and my mother being a dietitian. This holds especially true on meet/meat days, he needs to feel full, but the food has to hold him a while as well, so we want to make sure we get him some sustainable energy with all that protein.

With such a tremendous meat requirement, we are usually left in dinner territory when deciding what we want. In an effort to keep it as early-morning consumable as possible, I turn to one of our favorites, which we affectionately call “Pan of Stuffs”.

This is one of the first things I started making for Milan when we first got married. We were poor, the ingredients were easy, and there was plenty of meat. The best part- I’d say start to finish, it takes about 20 minutes to get on the plate!

In a nutshell, its Polish Kielbasa, peppers and onion all cooked up together and served over mashed potatoes or grains (quinoa, lentils, rice)  depending on how healthy you’re feeling. On meet day, mashed potatoes- they’re good luck, right?

I always start by mincing a couple cloves of garlic (1-3) depending on how much you’re making. I heat that up with some olive oil on a low heat while I chop up the veggies.

I always use (3-4) multi-colored peppers, and usually a couple of bell peppers. This time I used our  “weird vegetable of the week” which happened to be a type of dark green mild Poblano pepper (3). I honestly didn’t taste a huge difference.

Hopefully, now that all of your peppers are chopped you are starting to smell the garlic. Add the peppers, before you get going on your onion.

I am not a huge onion fan, but I do like the flavor it gives off.  I usually try to dice up about half an onion, and I add it just before I  when I add the kielbasa.

Next is Milan’s absolutely favorite part- the meat. Serbia does a lot of smoked meat, which is why I started making kielbasa in the first place- I know it’s not the same, (and lets be real- I was 20 when we first got married. I’m pretty sure I was doing good to not be making ground beef tacos every night) But, it at least gives him a hint of that flavor he loves.

I should have made these into a heart, because this is clearly where Milan’s heart lies.

I usually use two (1lb) sausages, and I cut them into 1/4″ slices. (Big enough to to save time, small enough to be able to have a slice in every bite).

Once I get it all in there, I usually add a little garlic salt, pepper and paprika, just for an extra smoky taste. I let the onions and garlic do most of the talking!

I usually let it cook about 7-10 minutes because the kielbasa is already cooked, I just want to get everything brown and get some good cast iron pan-marks on the sausage.

Once it’s all done I lay deliciously huge spoonfuls over mashed potatoes! (We usually like a little Franks Hot sauce on top of ours too).

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. In most households, I would say serves 4 without leftovers, but in our house, especially on meet day, the serving size is Milan, with a remainder of Meredith getting a taste.

I love any suggestions on any other “pre-game” meals you love to make!

What you’ll need:

• (2) 1 lb. polish kielbasa
• (3-4) multi-colored peppers
• (2-3) bell peppers
• (1/2) white onion
• (1-3) cloves garlic
• Carb/grain of your choice!
• (1 tbsp) olive oil
• Optional: garlic salt, pepper, paprika.