After spending a large portion of time being an anxious mess, I have to follow that period of time up with an equally large amount of time reminding myself to keep my perspective in check. ( Because I have recognized, at least in myself, that anxiety is caused by an inexplicably skewed perspective).
This is the best illustration I can come up with for what anxiety looked like inside my head. (Feel free to visualize as a cartoon, I did).
When I am what I consider to be the real me, I am the brain with my own glasses on, just laughing, working, exercising, cooking- blah blah. Somehow, my brain looses that pair of glasses (my guess is when she takes them off to sleep- probably in a meeting.) Anyway, she picks up the wrong pair and everything is way too close. This is when I start to think about and see everything through this magnified lens of like “This one thing is EVERYTHING, and it affects all things and it’s the reason why tangent tangent tanget..”
Example: I remember getting freaked out about wearing make-up for a period of time. I felt like If I wore make-up and thought I looked pretty, then I was being too self-absorbed, and God would not love me, because I thought I was better than everyone else (even though I didn’t- this particular pair of glasses were zoomed in pretty hard.) I am so serious. I didn’t wear make-up for months, because with those lenses on, I thought I was too self-absorbed that I could never lead someone to Christ with my selfish cat-eye liner. *Note: This is totally not how God views us, I was being weird*
-Back to the Brain- Eventually she looses that pair of glasses too (thank goodness) and she picks up a pair that make everything seem way way too far away.
Example: I started thinking about being a dot in the world and feeling like I could never be significant. I could not think of a single day-to-day task with any type of heart because I just got so stuck with those glasses on. I just felt like, anything I did would be abysmal because I was just a little anxious dot. -My brain could not see things any differently. *Note: Also not how God sees us.
The common denominator, for me at least, in all of these scenarios is the way my perspective gets “stuck” in a certain view, that no matter how hard I try to- I can’t get out of. Actually, thinking about it makes it worse, but if you have anxiety, you know that. So, the best way I can put it, is that I’m having to constantly remind myself of exactly where I stand with Him and within the world.
Although, when I get it right with him, the ‘in the world part’ comes on it’s own.
This verse, does a great job of putting things in perspective for me. Especially when I think of it with this gorgeous photo I took on the parkway yesterday.
“3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
5You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:3-5)
This reminds me that as complicated as I might see myself as, with all of these tangles, high, lows (and a brain with multiple pairs of incorrectly prescribed glasses.) I am nothing compared to the complexity of this gorgeous world we live in, but even though I have “small” problems on the grand scale, God still sees them as big as I do, and he cares about the day-to-day that I go through, because He chose us to love and to save, brain with tiny glasses and all.
Can anyone relate? Or have any other verses that they love to lean on?
If anyone has any prayer requests, or anything I can support you in, I would be so happy to do so.
Love, Love, Love and Happy Monday!
Meredith F. Ristic